Being Friends In Seattle
My last entry provoked many emails. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts by clicking and writing in the comment section. Most of the responses were about helping one another out and what it means to be friends. So I suppose this post is a summary of emails and thoughts from others, interpreted by me, and from my point of few to protect those who choose not to share their opinions on the site.
Does friendship have a time limit? No, but it does take work and continuous interaction. Some people don't like Seattle because the 'people' aren't very friendly. Or as a city we are friendly at first, but then drop off significantly. Is this true of this city as a whole or is it small groups within it that people are being exposed to? Or is it society out here and the variables of work, family, financial burdens, and the grey skies that affect how we interact?
I believe men and women define and experience friendship differently. I hate to put things in a 'box', but it's okay to be different. I have many friends that I don't see very often nor do we make an effort to change. But when we do come together in a social setting, it's like we hung out yesterday. No hard feelings, no "why didn't you call me", etc. We just lead different lives that coincide less frequently. But at the same time I do miss certain people I used to see more often.
An old roommate and good friend moved to Portland for all the right reasons, a good woman. But he was the main instigator or common thread that bound a good group of people together. He was the one who found concerts in Seattle, shows, parties, happenings, and put out an email or called to get everybody together. He would have people over at the house on a regular basis, just to hang out. Or to cook and have people over for dinner.
Upon his departure, I no longer see that contingent of people. I of course wasn't the best of friends with some of these people, but I miss them none the less. I could make an effort to re-connect with these folk but for some reason I don't make the effort. Only when my friend comes back to town or there happens to be a party in which an eVite is required do I get to catch up.
I also used to have another good friend who was my main ski buddy. Besides skiing we would hang out a couple nights a week. Now due to many different circumstances, we don't hang out anymore. Only on rare occurrences do we bump into each other at social occasions. It always feels good to see him and I always tell myself shortly thereafter, "I got to call that guy more often".
Then there is also the single versus married or couples dynamic. It sucks to be a third wheel sometimes. But I have also been told it sucks to be the couple who people stop calling to do things with because they are married or a couple. Even in relationships, those people need a break from one another or other social interaction together. There are multiple levels of being lonely. Whether one is single or in a relationship. It goes both ways, either you don't call because you're too busy being in a relationship or you don't get called because people assume you're too busy being in a relationship.
It also costs money sometimes to be social and be friends. Going out to clubs, parties, dinner, comedy shows, ski vacations, it all costs money. Don't let financial reasons affect your friendships.
There's also geographic challenges to friendship. I live on the West Side, you live on the East Side. In Seattle as the traffic continues to worsen, it becomes a chore to visit certain friends. Some of us are not even in the same city, yet plane tickets aren't expensive compared to the value of friendship. Just shoot an email, have an iChat, Sykpe, call during cell phone free air time, and just try to share in each others lives.
I guess what I've learned from the feedback and discussions is to be mindful. Look at your extended group of friends and try to determine who might be lonely. Some may seem extremely social but are unhappy none the less. Others may seem reclusive and not want to go out, but maybe there is another underlying problem or issue. It just comes down to what being a friend is all about, helping one another whether one asks for it or not. You just have to make an effort. See ya'll around...